The Self in IFS: Our Core of Compassion and Leadership
One of the most transformative and empowering ideas in the Internal Family System (IFS) model is the concept of the Self.
Developed by psychologist Richard Schwartz, IFS views the mind as inherently multiple, composed of various "parts" or subpersonalities. Amidst these often conflicting internal voices and energies, IFS holds that we each have at our core a Self - the seat of consciousness, the source of leadership and healing for our inner and outer lives.
What exactly is the Self in IFS? How is it different from the parts that dominate our everyday experience? What essential qualities allow the Self to be such a positive, integrating force? And how can accessing and embodying Self-energy transform our inner world and relationships? Let's explore the nature of the Self and how IFS envisions its role in psychic wholeness and harmonious living.
Characteristics of the Self
In the IFS framework, the Self is characterized by several essential qualities that Schwartz initially described as the "8 Cs":
Calmness
Clarity
Curiosity
Compassion
Confidence
Creativity
Courage
Connectedness
When we are in a state of Self-leadership, these qualities naturally arise, allowing us to respond to life and relate to others and ourselves with equanimity, wisdom and care.
As IFS therapy developed and practitioners observed the healing process more closely, Schwartz and his colleagues identified five additional qualities that emerge as people spend more time in Self-energy. These became known as the "5 Ps":
Presence - Being fully engaged in the here and now
Persistence - The ability to stay with difficult experiences without becoming overwhelmed
Perspective - Seeing the bigger picture and holding multiple viewpoints
Playfulness - Approaching life with lightness, joy, and creativity
Patience - Allowing things to unfold naturally without forcing or rushing
Together, the 8 Cs and 5 Ps provide a comprehensive picture of Self-energy and its transformative potential. The Self isn't just a passive witness state but an embodied experience of open-hearted presence and groundedness.
Importantly, the Self is not just another part but has a distinct status in the psyche. Schwartz describes it as the core of who we are, the "I" from which we operate when not blended with or overwhelmed by our parts. While our parts hold extreme roles and beliefs, the Self is a centered, flexible place within us not bound to any one perspective or agenda.
Some other key characteristics that set the Self apart include:
The Self is the natural leader and healer of the internal family system. It has an innate wisdom and compassion that allows it to relate to all the parts and help them release their burdens.
The Self is unchanging and undamaged. While our parts can be stuck in the past or carry negative beliefs from traumas, the Self remains outside the fray, a luminous essence untouched by life's pain.
The Self is universal. People of all ages and cultures, when their parts settle, report experiencing the same core Self-energy. It's a uniquely personal experience yet also connects us to something larger.
Experiencing the Self feels empowering, calming and enlivening. Without the din of parts, we feel more capable, creative and in flow. Life's challenges don't overwhelm us so easily.
So if we all have this incredible resource, why don't we feel Self-led all the time? Because our parts, often out of protective intentions, habitually pull us away from this essential wholeness into their more extreme and limiting perspectives.
The journey of IFS therapy involves helping these parts trust the Self's leadership, allowing more consistent access to these transformative qualities.
The Self and the Parts
Our parts, the relatively discrete subpersonalities that populate our psyches, have their own roles, beliefs, memories and intentions. Some are managers, striving to preemptively control situations and vulnerable feelings. Others are exiles, the young, wounded parts we've shunned. And others are firefighters, reacting impulsively when exiles are triggered in efforts to douse their pain.
While the Self has an appreciation for all parts and their purposes, the parts aren't always so charitable towards each other or willing to cede control to Self-leadership. Polarized parts battle with each other, drowning out the Self's voice. Exiles fear the Self will neglect them as others have, so they hide away. Managers distrust the Self's more vulnerable, open-hearted way of being, fearing it will leave the system unguarded.
The parts, with their more myopic fixations, obscure the Self and constrain its influence in our lives. The Self doesn't try to eliminate or suppress the parts, but it can, with patience and love, heal their pain and negotiate with them to step back into a trusting relationship. When the parts see that the Self has the wisdom and compassion to lead effectively, they gladly leave their protective roles and add their unique gifts to the internal family.
This reveals an essential distinction - parts are valuable and want something positive for us, but their strategies for getting their needs met are often short-sighted or destructive. The Self, on the other hand, can see the big picture and access inner resources to help the parts in a patient, creative, harmonizing way. The Self has the confidence to encounter discomfort and vulnerability, the courage to be present with pain, and the clarity to find cooperative solutions.
Transformational Impacts of Embodying the Self
Learning to differentiate the Self from the parts and to embody Self-energy more consistently has far-reaching impacts on our inner and relational worlds:
With the Self in the lead, we suffer less. The Self can witness and be with difficult thoughts, sensations and emotions with equanimity, not amplifying them through resistance or judgment. Pain passes through more readily.
We access more of our potential and positive qualities. Freed from the constriction of part-identification, we feel more spontaneous, expansive and able to bring forth the unique capacities lying dormant within us. The Self sees resources where parts see limits.
Our relationships improve. As we interact with others from the compassion and openness of Self, it invites their Self to the surface too. We can discuss even loaded topics with more calmness and mutual understanding.
We're less triggered and reactive. When a part is upset by something someone said or did, we have the Self-awareness to recognize it as a part and not our total reality. The steadiness of Self helps us respond rather than react.
We have more empathy for ourselves and others. The Self naturally sees that any dysfunctional behavior, in us or other people, is just a part doing its best to help, however misguided. This allows for more patience and less judgment.
We access intuitive wisdom more readily. The clarity and calmness of Self cuts through the chatter of parts and allows us to tune into subtle inner knowing and guidance. We trust ourselves more deeply.
We feel more connected, to ourselves, others and life itself. The Self has an intrinsic sense of belonging and interconnection, an unshakeable knowing that we're part of something larger. Self-energy dissolves our sense of isolation.
Leading from Self feels empowering and sustainable. Instead of the ups and downs of cycling through parts, Self-led living has a grounded vitality. We still encounter challenges but now with more resilience and grace.
Common Questions About Self in IFS
What is Self?
Self in Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy refers to the core essence of an individual, distinct from their parts or subpersonalities. It is characterized by the "8 C's":
Calmness
Curiosity
Compassion
Confidence
Courage
Clarity
Creativity
Connectedness
Self is not just a state of mind, but the fundamental, healthy presence within a person. It has the capacity for leadership and healing within the internal system. Unlike parts, which often carry burdens or extreme beliefs, Self is unburdened and able to relate to all aspects of one's psyche with equanimity.
Is Self the same as consciousness or spirituality?
While Self in IFS shares some similarities with spiritual concepts like witness consciousness or higher self, it is distinct in important ways:
Self is seen as innate to all humans, not a transcendent or external force
It's grounded in psychological theory rather than spiritual doctrine
Self is accessible through specific therapeutic techniques, not just meditation or spiritual practices
However, many people do experience a spiritual quality when in Self, and IFS is compatible with various spiritual beliefs. The key is that Self is viewed as an inherent human capacity, regardless of one's spiritual orientation.
Does Self make choices?
Yes, Self does have decision-making capacity, but it's qualitatively different from how parts make choices:
Self makes choices from a place of clarity and compassion, not reactivity
It can take input from various parts without being dominated by them
Self-led decisions tend to be more balanced and considerate of the entire internal system
These choices often align with one's deepest values and what's truly best for the person as a whole
The ability to make choices from Self is a key aspect of developing "Self-leadership" in IFS therapy.
Can Self be corrupted or act unethically?
In IFS theory, Self cannot be corrupted or act unethically. If unethical behavior occurs, it's understood to be the result of parts taking over, not true Self. Key points:
Self is inherently oriented towards healing and balance
What might appear as "corruption" is likely the influence of protective or wounded parts
As people connect more with Self, they often naturally move towards more ethical behavior
Self can acknowledge past unethical actions while maintaining compassion for the parts involved
This doesn't mean people in Self never make mistakes, but rather that intentionally unethical behavior comes from parts, not Self.
Is Self always calm?
While calmness is a key attribute of Self, this doesn't mean a flat or emotionless state:
Self can experience and express a full range of emotions
The difference is that emotions are experienced from a grounded, non-reactive place
Self has access to vital energy and can be passionate and engaged
Calmness in Self is more about inner stability than outward placidity
Self can remain steady even when experiencing intense emotions or situations
The calmness of Self provides a stable base from which to engage with all aspects of life and internal experience.
How is Self different from Self-energy?
Self and Self-energy are related but distinct concepts in IFS:
Self refers to the individual's unique core essence
Self-energy is seen as a more universal healing force that can be accessed
Self is personal and specific to each individual
Self-energy has transpersonal qualities and can be felt between people or in groups
Self-energy can be experienced even when one's individual Self is not fully accessible
Working with Self-energy can help individuals connect more fully with their own Self
Understanding this distinction can be helpful in navigating different aspects of IFS work, especially in group settings or when dealing with very wounded parts.
Can everyone access Self?
IFS theory posits that everyone has a Self, but accessing it can vary in difficulty:
Trauma, extreme circumstances, or dominating parts can make Self access challenging
With practice and the right conditions, most people can learn to access Self to some degree
Some individuals may only experience brief moments of Self at first
Consistent practice and healing work can increase the ability to access and maintain Self
Even when Self feels inaccessible, the IFS therapist can hold Self-energy for the client
In severe cases (like with dissociative disorders), accessing Self may require extensive preliminary work
The goal of IFS therapy is often to increase access to Self and develop Self-leadership.
Is Self always accepting of all parts?
Self has the capacity for radical acceptance, but this is nuanced:
Self is curious about and compassionate towards all parts
This doesn't mean condoning harmful behaviors or beliefs
Self can set firm, compassionate boundaries when necessary
The acceptance of Self is about acknowledging and understanding, not necessarily agreeing
Self can hold seemingly contradictory truths - accepting a part while also wanting change
This acceptance often naturally leads to transformation of extreme roles or beliefs
The accepting nature of Self creates a safe space for all parts to be seen and heard, which is key to the healing process in IFS.
The Healing Power of Embracing the Self
The Self is the great untapped resource for healing and thriving. It's the timeless essence in us that knows how to witness and nurture even the most hurting parts of our psyche with boundless love and vision. The more we're able to disentangle from extreme parts, inhabit the wholeness of Self, and bring its qualities to our inner and outer worlds, the more we experience the power of IFS to alleviate suffering and improve lives.
Yet Schwartz is clear - the goal isn't to transcend or eliminate the parts. The parts all carry invaluable energies and talents. The point is to unburden them and bring them into harmonious, synergistic relationship under the leadership of Self so all of our internal resources can be brought to bear. The Self is the great conductor that can orchestrate the parts into a life-giving symphony.
Ultimately, returning to Self is a coming home to our truest nature. It's a remembering of the wholeness and vitality that is our birthright. In accessing Self, we drink from an inexhaustible wellspring within. And the healing impacts ripple out to our parts, our relationships, our communities and beyond. As Schwartz writes, "Self-leadership is the greatest gift you can give to yourself, your family, and the world."
With practice, we can shift into Self-energy more readily and embody it more fully. IFS gives us a transformational framework and method for reclaiming this luminous essence. The more of us who learn to lead from Self in our lives and relationships, the more harmony and wisdom will flow into a world deeply in need. In touching and living from the Self in us, we participate in a larger healing, the dream of a human family led by the better angels of our nature.
In the next article in this series, we'll explore another key component in the IFS model - the Protector parts and their noble efforts to safeguard our systems. Understanding these often extreme defenders is essential to negotiating their permission to access Self-leadership more fully. The journey continues.