The 5-Minute Self-Leadership Check-In: A Daily Practice for Inner Harmony

Daily life often causes us to lose touch with our true selves. You might find yourself acting out of stress or the expectations of others, rather than from a place of inner clarity and wisdom. It can feel like you're being pulled in multiple directions by different parts of yourself—like the inner critic, achiever, or caretaker—each with its own set of demands and concerns. While this is a common experience, there is a way to reconnect with a more centered and authentic version of yourself.

An IFS-informed approach offers a compassionate path to reconnecting with your core self, the part of you that is calm, wise, and capable of leading your life with intention. One powerful exercise for this is the Self-Leadership Check-In. This practice helps you understand and align the diverse aspects of your personality, such as your inner critic, achiever, or caretaker, so you can approach each part with kindness and curiosity.

In IFS, the Self embodies eight essential leadership qualities, known as the "8 Cs":

1. Calmness: The ability to remain grounded and non-reactive.

2. Clarity: Seeing situations objectively without distorted perceptions.

3. Compassion: Caring concern for yourself and others.

4. Confidence: Trust in your inherent wholeness and capabilities.

5. Creativity: Flexibility to adapt and discover new possibilities.

6. Connectedness: Recognizing your shared humanity and interconnection.

7. Courage: Strength to face difficult truths and take values-aligned risks.

8. Curiosity: Openness to different parts' perspectives without judgment.

Additionally, there are five other attributes of Self known as the 5 P's:

• Playfulness: Engaging with life and parts in a light-hearted manner.

• Patience: Allowing space and time for growth and understanding.

• Presence: Being fully present in the moment with awareness and acceptance.

• Perspective: The ability to see the bigger picture beyond immediate concerns.

• Persistence: Maintaining effort and commitment to the process of healing.

When you’re anchored in Self, these qualities naturally emerge, allowing you to interact with each part with clarity and compassion. This alignment nurtures a supportive internal environment, facilitating deeper healing and insight.

Step 1: Cultivate Self-Leadership (1 minute)

Begin by finding a quiet place to sit and closing your eyes. Take several deep, calming breaths, releasing tension with each exhale. Set aside your to-do list for now and bring an attitude of compassionate curiosity to whatever arises.

Now, consciously shift into Self-leadership by saying "I am Self" either out loud or silently. Envision yourself embodying the 8 Cs, perhaps imagining Self as a mountain - strong, still and unshakeable. Take your time really stepping into this empowered state.

Step 2: Check In With Parts (2 minutes)

Settled in Self, gently scan inside and notice any parts that may be present, without analyzing or judging. Welcome all emotions, physical sensations, thoughts, images, or gut feelings, trusting that each part has an important message.

Pay special attention to parts that seem "up" or active, especially any that feel in conflict or burdened. Notice how each part is feeling and what it might be needing, deepening your awareness by visualizing its nonverbal cues like facial expressions, posture, or the age it appears.

Step 3: Unblend From Parts (1 minute)

Notice if you've gotten "blended" or fused with a part, experiencing its emotions and thoughts as your own. Blending is very common, but prevents you from relating to parts with objectivity and compassion.

If you notice you're blended, acknowledge this with acceptance and see if you can intentionally unblend back into Self. Picture yourself as a calm mountain, observing passing emotional storms without being swept away. Unblending gets easier with repetition.

Step 4: Dialog With a Part (1 minute)

Next, invite one of the parts you contacted during your check-in to engage in an inner dialog with you as Self. Gently ask the part to share its feelings, needs and positive intentions. Offer authentic empathy and appreciation for how hard the part is working, even if you don't agree with its methods.

To an angry part, you might say "I see how frustrated you are and hear your need to be respected" or to a worried part "Your concern makes sense given the high stakes. Thank you for trying to keep us safe." Offer the part a token of care, perhaps a hand on your heart or some comforting words.

Let the part share without pressuring it to change. If it softens, that's wonderful. If not, that's okay too. You're building trust. If the part declines to dialog, honor its choice and know you can return another time.

Step 5: Commit to Values-Aligned Action (1 minute)

Before completing your practice, reflect on your innermost values - the principles most sacred to you, like compassion, integrity, growth or belonging. If you're not sure of your core values yet, consider when you've felt most alive, proud or fulfilled. What mattered most in those moments? Your values point the way.

Based on the input from your parts, set an intention for the day that rings true to your values. Perhaps it's listening to your body's needs, bravely speaking your truth, prioritizing self-care, or reaching out to mend a relationship.

Choose one small, concrete action you can take to honor that intention and affirm your commitment to follow through with Self in charge, even if parts object. Breathe into the peace of acting with integrity.

Step 6: Close the Practice (30 seconds)

Complete your practice with a few deep breaths, expressing gratitude to your parts and Self. Renew your vow to make this check-in a regular habit, one where you bring the same loving attention you'd offer a cherished friend.

When you feel ready, open your eyes and carry this calm clarity and care into the rest of your day, observing how you feel after gifting yourself this sacred pause. With time and consistency, these short check-ins will help transform your relationship with yourself from the inside out.

Download This Exercise as a PDF:

Get instant access to this exercise in a downloadable PDF format. By downloading, you'll also gain access to our exclusive collection of paid resources, available only to members. These resources are designed to provide additional support and guidance as you work through your personal development journey.

BONUS - JOIN OUR PRIVATE COMMUNITY: When you become a subscriber to download the PDF, you'll also be invited to join our private Facebook community of over 10,000 like-minded individuals. Here, you can share your progress, ask questions, and connect with others who are on a similar path. It's a great place to find support, inspiration, and encouragement every step of the way.

SIGN UP BELOW TO GET STARTED 👇